Atheism and Spirituality

Why am I - a life-long atheist* - drawn to spirituality. I hate almost all aspects of spiritual thinking, especially the way it allows people to uncritically believe things on “faith” alone. I wasn't raised “atheist” but my family is mostly former Jehovah's witnesses, which I suspect is why my family - especially my mother is so burnt out on religion. *I'd describe her and my upbringing as irreligious rather than atheist.

I don't think it's a coincidence that the drive towards spiritualistic thinking has come at a time in life, in which I have struggled immensely. With loneliness, suicidal thoughts and severe self hatred. I don't think it's because I want an after-life. It is rather that I want to feel part of a larger whole. My world-building project contains a religion whose main focus is connecting to a larger “whole” - the Hwáþi - which I envision as many consciousnesses directly connected to each other. Perhaps not in a hive-mind way, but in a network - an internet of minds. Directly connected to one another - free of irony and sarcasm. I think that this is the kind of relation I yearn for in real-life. Of course, we could never directly connect our minds, but I want to limit the amount of "irony-poisoned" layering that I have with other people.

Anyway, during the past months I've been thinking about whether spirituality can be rescued from the “magic” thinking of faith. The only concrete thought I've got is that explicitly supernatural thinking may not be necessary for spirituality. Maybe, we as humans can give objects souls. Not in the sense that they become alive or self-aware - but in the sense that they exist in our minds. A soul of that object exists within us. I'm really in to ecological thinking - seeing humans as a part of nature - see Murray Bookchin's concept of Social Ecology.^1,2 This is not entirely in line with social ecology, but I'd like to think that - while a forest is not alive and self-aware - we as conscious beings can create a “soul” for it within us. By “soul” I mostly mean valuing something as another person. We often “ensoul” [see the swedish expression "besjäla"] animals, ascribe them human intentions and feelings - I think that this is not necessarily bad - and I think it's good to do it to, for example, places. At the same time I am a little bit hesitant, assigning places, perhaps countries, souls and intentions - might serve reactionary purposes. The soul of Finland does not want people that aren't of our blood - we are family - only family can be here! I think this concern is best described by Contrapoints' video about hippie- inspired fascism ["Granola-Fascism"]⁴ and Dan Olson's flat-earth video⁵ - which describes flat- earthers as people who “want to overpower reality and truth”.

I am a big fan of Contrapoints, one of my “comfort videos” is her tangent-video about psychedelics.³ It's definitely where my interest in them arose. She describes a vision of death where she is engulfed in the ocean - reabsorbed - becoming one - becoming whole. I really connect with that thought. You're not really conscious, but you are still one with the universe - forever dispersed. You are not alive, not conscious - but still part of it..

1. "Humanity Is Not A Parasite" by Andrewism
2. "Bookchin's Philosophy of Nature" by Eco-Techbro
3. "Tangent: Psychedelic Experiences" by Natalie Wynn
4. "Tangent: Granola Fascism" by Natalie Wynn
5. "In Search Of A Flat Earth" by Dan Olson